IVF and Surrogacy

This post is especially for those who are trying to begin their family with IVF or surrogacy.

The following things should be kept in mind if you are planning your baby with either of the two, or sometimes the both.

IVF :

When the egg and sperm is given by the intended mother and father; there is no issue involved as far as spirituality is concerned, because you have the genes and the environment of your own.

When the egg is given by the intended mother and the sperm donor is not the biological father; there may be a few issues. And please understand that I’ll not talk of any medical issues unless specified. I’m a spiritual counselor, and I talk only for spirituality related matters. For other medical related issues, please consult your medical doctor.

If the state laws allow you to know the identity of the sperm donor; well and good! You must go ahead to ensure that the sperm donor is a kind of a male you would like to begin your life’s new phase with. Though the donors are tested on various medical and other grounds, I am yet to come across a sperm bank that also takes the spiritual history of a sperm donor into consideration!!!

If the donor is kept anonymous, please do not lose your heart. You can still imbibe spirituality in your child after the embryo is within the mother.

When the egg and sperm, both are from donors, again see, if you can check the spiritual credentials, if yes, go ahead. If not, you need to put in specific efforts in imbibing spirituality in your child.

The same is the case with frozen embryos.

Surrogacy:

First of all, keep this alternative the last resort. If you have literally tried everything under the sky, and have not succeeded, then only you should go for surrogacy. Surrogacy involves a lot of issues. The medical history of the surrogate mother is only one part of it; and I should say that it is only the tip of the iceberg!

Sign a proper legal and financial agreement, which I’m sure you will do. But before that

·         Meet the prospective surrogate mother an ample number of times. This would enable you to know of her background, her needs, her basic nature, spiritual orientation. If she is addicted to something—like negative though patterns, emotional outbursts etc.

·         Why is she going for this sort of an arrangement?

·         What does she expect from the baby? Would she have any emotional strings attached with the baby after the delivery of the child?

·         Her mental and emotional stability. Her ability to cope up with various changes during and after the delivery.

·         Her bond with the fetus. And many more things.

Different people talk of different things when IVF and/or Surrogacy are considered as an option. I would personally like to suggest to you that you take your own call. Consult only those who are experts in this field.  Please refrain yourself from talking to people who love talking negative, or have had a bad experience. It is going to be your child, so, ultimately it should be your decision that would count. Take your own time in deciding. Because I have noticed in quite a few cases that the couples get so impatient that they just want a baby by Hook or Crook. That is not correct, I would say. Please never ever lose your patience. Take your decision with a cool mind and with utmost care and patience.

The Stress factor:

The stress plays a big role in the above two methods of conception and delivery. Prepare yourself mentally, emotionally and financially for everything. Stress spoils all!

Please do not hesitate to ask about any trivial thing that comes to your mind before you say “yes,” because for others it may be something that is stupid or trivial; but for you, it is obviously crucial. No hurry, no shame in asking various questions that may come to your mind! Take your own time.

The couple; and specifically the mother goes through an emotional turmoil, if she is not emotionally prepared for all this. The male partner should talk to his wife or female partner providing her emotional support whenever the need be. Or if it is the way round that the male partner needs a support, the female partner should be very supportive.

Preparation before conception

The partners should prepare for this sacred union. Please read the following points to prepare yourself for conception. Plan at least four months in advance that now you would like to start the family.

Physical Preparation:

·         Follow a healthy routine. Eat healthy, sleep well, and exercise regularly.

·         Cleanse your body of any toxins that may have built up over a period of time.

·         Go for a full medical checkup, this includes a visit to your gynecologist, to a pathology lab, to a physician, and a dietician.

·         Avoid excessive smoking and alcohol. These things have proved to be a disaster in the quality and quantity of sperms, and may even bring abortions or premature deliveries in the female partner.

·         For females also, these things do no good to you or to your baby either. It’s better to steer clear of these things.

I’ll never try to do any sort of moral policing. It is your personal life, and only you can decide what to do and what not to. I can only share my knowledge with you to make yourself aware of a few things that we either do not know, or mostly, try to ignore! Rest is up to you.

Mental Preparation:

Just be mentally prepared that the child that will come to your family will need some extra time, extra efforts, and extra care. The husband or the male partner should be prepared mentally to take care of himself, his female partner and also the baby, if the circumstances require so. He should be willing to help the new mother and the baby in all possible ways, including nappy change!

 The ‘would be’ mother should be prepared to lose her good night’s sleep. The baby takes time to adjust to the outer environment. Before the baby is born, it remains in the warmth of the womb. After coming out, it is suddenly exposed to the raised noise levels, a lot of light, people around, and fluctuating temperatures. It is but natural for a baby to feel uncomfortable. That’s why they take quite some time adjusting to all these changes.

Therefore, please be prepared for all that!

Emotional Preparation:

Both the partners should be emotionally prepared to have a new life after conception. There are various changes occurring in the body every day. This may make the female partner a bit moody, irritable. The male partner should take charge of his life as well as his partner’s life. He should provide her full physical, mental and emotional support. The hormones in a female’s body play truant sometimes. Therefore, the male partner should have a proper control on his temperament.

Financial Planning:

A new comer in the family will surely increase the budget of the family. And he or she being so small and vulnerable, you may need some extra pennies toward the medical, weaning, and other expenditure of the baby. Please be prepared for such emergency expenses. You may strike a balance by balancing your own expenditure for a few months. Start saving before the conception occurs.

Just come together, without having any expectations from that particular act. Enjoy the feeling of togetherness, and just be yourself. No anxiety, no anger, no negative feelings of any kind; just you and your loving partner, that’s it!

Thoughts during conception

Though the bond shared between the mother and the child is the strongest bond, as the child grows inside the warmth of the womb of his or her mother, the father’s contribution to child’s physical, emotional and mental health cannot be denied too. A child comes into being with the union of the father’s sperm and the mother’s ovum. Hence the child has 50-50 characters from both his or her parents. Therefore, the ‘would be’ father should also take equal responsibility for the overall well being of their child.

While coming together, the ‘would be’ parents should have a positive image of a baby. The baby should look sweet, innocent, lovable, and healthy. The parent’s heart should be filled with the emotions of love, compassion, care and responsibility. If the couple is very keen on bringing a highly spiritual child then they should pray for a highly evolved spiritual soul to come into the ‘would be’ mother’s womb. This may take quite some time as highly spiritual souls do not enter any womb on this planet. They too look for a combination (of sperm and ovum) that is highly spiritual or at least has an above average spiritual quotient!

Every soul incarnates to fulfill its purpose. If the soul finds one combination worthy of fulfilling its aim for which it would consider taking a physical form, it enters the womb at the ripe moment. So, all those who may be trying to conceive for quite some time, but are not able to conceive even after taking all medications etc; please be patient that there might be a soul waiting to come to your womb, but the ripe moment has not yet arrived. Keep no anxiety, be patient, be positive. A day will surely come when you will conceive.

Then there are a few couples, who have tried everything under the sky to conceive, but have not been successful in doing so. My friends do not fret; probably you incarnated to fulfill your life’s purpose without bearing any child. We do not know what the universe has in store for us. Maybe, you are better off this way only! Still, lead a peaceful, meaningful, spiritual life.

Spirituality in conception

To start with my friends first understand why spirituality is so important while one plans conception. We all know that “what you sow shall you reap.” Conception is the very step to bring in a new life into being. You cannot grow Mangoes if you sow the seeds of bitter gourd.

We the human beings are the creatures of emotions. We just cannot imagine our life without having or not showing any kind of emotions. We rather thrive on emotions. Two partners in love also have all kinds of emotions—love, lust, anger, anxiety, etc to name a few. While it is perfectly all right to have lust in the eyes and heart when the partners are making love to each other, but it is highly recommended that the couple consider the conception as a holy affair, and instead of having the feelings of lust, let those feelings be of love, sacred love, compassion, giving and receiving love.

Before you question me regarding this, please understand the basics of spirituality. Every soul that left the physical body after death realizes that it was here on this plane to accomplish something. It may or may not have accomplished the purpose fully for what it incarnated. This understanding comes to that soul when it becomes an astral being from a physical being, and sometimes even later than that when it goes back into the spirit world. It realizes the value of the physical body that could have helped the soul accomplish its tasks fully. Therefore, it tries to take another physical form. Spiritually enlightened souls generally take more time to reincarnate again, or they may even decide not to incarnate at all. But others who are more materialistic, and are still attached to material plane, try to search for a womb that will help them incarnate as soon as possible so as to let them get into material pleasures at a faster pace. These souls wander here and there searching for an opportunity to get a physical form.

We all know that in spirituality, “Like attracts like.” And lust is not supposed to be a divine feeling while love is! So, a lusty couple may attract a materialistic soul. Thus, all those who want to conceive, please keep the following things in mind:

·         Let the pregnancy be planned. Accidental pregnancies bring more of disappointment than joy.

·         Prepare yourself for the great occasion. I call it ‘an occasion’ because you are going to bring in a new life in this world.

·         Have good positive thoughts while you come together. Feel that the divine force is flowing through both the partners, and its union will bring a new divine being home.

·         Avoid smoking, drinking alcohol as these things attract not so divine souls.

Therefore, be happy, be positive and come together to bring in a baby that will bring joy to your life! And please don’t forget to take a note of your physical, mental, emotional, and financial health before you plan your baby. All these things have their impact on your baby’s health.